What's that mean? Well, I believe you should sit at the table to eat your meals, with napkins and silverware. I believe you should consider others when you are making schedules and be respectful of their time. That means being timely and prepared for whatever you are expected to do, (even though I am the Queen of procrastination). I believe one should be loyal and live a life of integrity. If you claim to be a Christian then, well, you should BE a Christian and that means, to me, ever striving to be more Christlike. Which brings me to my wondering what is happening to me.
But, I really shouldn't. The reasons are far too deep and muddled in my background to explain here, but the areas with which I am struggling go back that far. It's cool, yet scary when the light goes on.
All my adult life, and much of my childhood, was being thrown into the "Land of the 'Less Thans'". Jesus said, ... as much as you do for the 'less thans'.... I never thought much about that before. But now...
My church is a different sort of fellowship. I love it there. I can see how God was preparing me to be there. We've been there almost ten full years. And now the lightbulb has gone on... flickering some, but on.
My parents were alcoholics. They died when I was very young (everyone who reads this will know that). Then in the 1980s I ended up being a Case Mgr. for ASAP, which was attached to the Detox Center. I also worked with the church youth. In the 1990s we moved to WV and I worked with my buddy Carol on a Wednesday night program with the youth. But these youth were "rough". Hard families, lonely, marginalized, backwoods kids. And we loved them. Oh my, my heart still turns to mush when I think of them. We presented Jesus to them in the form of words and deeds. I still remember being picked up and hugged by a young man who would make two of me. Not because of anything other than the acceptance of who he was right then. Undoubtedly some used drugs and alcohol or were there to escape them; most all smoked and were less than clean. But, my, how very "real" they were. You know? They didn't just accept what you said. They challenged us. I remember that same "hugger" asking me, "Do you really believe that *shit* Mrs. Elsea? My response without a hitch was, "yep, son I sure do". Then came the "do you think I'm going to hell?" We both responded with a "well that's pretty much up to you". I left there in 2000 and Carol was not far behind. I often think of those kids and whether or not they think about Jesus. Like all of us... it's our decision. Then in the 2000's I've worked with poor Haitians and tended to those with all manner of disease. I remember one woman who had some kind of pox all over her. She was in misery. I took off my gloves and just held her. Crazy, I know. Dangerous, perhaps. But, she needed that touch. I've done the same for at least one in my church family who was dying. She was older; in the last stages of ovarian cancer. We were supposed to gown up and I asked the nurse if it was for us or her. So, I asked the nurse to leave us be and I took off my gloves... again... and held her hand and put lotion on her dry, pitiful arms and hands and talked about heaven with her. I was the last person she ever talked with. She died about 4 hours later. What a blessing she was to me in those last hours.
Which brings me back to my wonderment or epiphany, whichever it might be. Like I said, I am NOT merciful. I am, according to all the "tests", prophetic. But, what I am finding out about myself and ourselves as the community on Taylor Spring, is that we are called to be Jesus to the "least of these". Jesus keeps sending them to our door and yesterday we spent about an hour in Bible Study with two marginalized people who asked the church to come and study with them. No one volunteered, so we went with a basket of food. (Little Red Riding Hood, she called me). Am I suspicious? "Yes". Do I think we are being used? "Perhaps". But, the one told us that some other churches made it clear they weren't welcome when they came through the door; and others when they sought to take bread and cup communion. Not us.. We are pitifully friendly. And he felt the welcome. He told his "gal" that we would welcome her. And we will. With open arms and everything else. It's just who we are. May God bless our pitiful efforts to love the least at home and abroad. And, yes, we'll be used from time to time. And, yes, others of higher stature won't feel comfortable when Sharon welcomes them with a "HI! HOW YA'LL DOING?" Or when Millie makes noise from her wheelchair. Those folks won't re-visit. But, God takes care of His and we'll be fine. The "big" church is down on the corner :)
Maybe there is some mercy growing in me somewhere after all.
